What happens when suddenly nobody obsesses with you.

Try handling not being in the limelight. If you get used to it, neither would you be able to. I miss being the centre of attraction, the President, whom everybody loved, whom everybody respected, whom nobody got enough of, who got a surprise party thrown just for her on the farewell day, who was loved by all the teachers, who was synonymous for leadership and sincerity and righteousness, whom the girls thought, was very cute and very down to earth, who was the face of a Team that got better and better at organising events.

Two years back, I did not know what all this meant. And I was happy. I didn't have fans or 1000+ FB friends or anonymous callers wanting to be friends or anything. But I was content.

Last year, it was embarrassing to be called Ms. President, I deliberately trained myself to go blank in the head when anybody said anything that even bordered on a praise, I knew the people who flattered from the people who genuinely had good things to say, my feet were definitely on ground.

Now. Six months since the title Ex-President was endowed on me... WHO AM I? It took me a month to sink in. The first month was a relief. Somewhere between the 2nd and the 3rd month I took notice of my rather sad looking social life. I notice howbland and emotionless my days were getting. Regular outings with besties became irregular due to various genuine reasons.  From having zero time to spend on myself I had come down to slopping down on the sofa and staying there the whole day watching TV. No more "Hey! Ms. President!" text messages, no more signing cheques, no more going out for union work, no more slogging, no more coolness, no more praises, no more girls who walk up and go "Akka am your fan..." Mediocrity is boring I realise.

I miss all of it. And right now to be very frank, I feel like I don't belong anywhere. I miss being fussed around. Thats probably why I want to keep organising parties. So that there are people around who still remind me of ALL the Good Times I have had; that's probably why I enjoy bitching sessions now; that's probably why I get defensive and Indignant if people around make fun of me; that's probably why I am not able to laugh at myself often or accept genuine constructive criticism, that's probably why I prefer listening to music even if I am surrounded bby people, that's probably why I went and shamelessly asked for another birthday party from friends of mine even though I had a beautifully loving one thrown for me.

Okay. So here is a tragic flaw. Too bad Shakespeare is not around to make a protagonist out of me.

What happens when suddenly nobody obsesses with you... You get Obsessed with yourself.

La Lumière vivante

Bright light has brightened my days a little. It coloured many a dream of mine. It made my heart bob up and down. Just being one witness to its all pervading voice, is to find The Happy Place; is to be lost, revelling and blown away and to not know what to think. Is to feel these butterflies in the stomach that appear suddenly out of the blue, mysteriously, reflexively.


Sigh.


I can't touch it though. I can't hold it though. It can't be mine alone. That is foolishness. It is bright light anf its nature is to pervade all, to benefit all, to be everywhere. It is too bright for my barely two centimetre pupils. Exposure to it would only result in me getting scorched and blind. 


It needs to be with something equally beautiful, equally powerful, equally lovable.


Me. Lesser mortal.


I ll be happy to see it every morning, from a good distance, losing myself in its tiny little ray. This ray that makes me frenziedly happy and upbeat. Oh its better that way. And I am happy that way. I need my dark nights to climb out of this thing I Fall into. Only to fall back in the next morning.


I know its a sucky post. I just needed to put something on. Sorry!

New Blogger Interface!

Currently nothing new or happening to write about. But the new Blogger Interface does deserve a mention! Feel good, not too flashy, effective and organized ( in the sense that one tab gives you all info multiple clicks not required) and goes real well with Google's make over it self. (Duh!) Makes me want to blog a little more ( which is why this post is on) Nice improvisation on the New post tab. Very nice.

I hope the blog more feeling continues. :)