I Dont Understand Why I Feel Wierd to Wish Her Happy Mothers' Day

Trichy bus stand, 11.pm. After cheering my head off for the college dance team at NIT, missed dinner, hungry, tired, heading home. Low battery, hence text convo.

Me: amma enaku romba pasikudhu, 3 naala noodles saptutruken. Bus kelambapodhu.

(Didnt expect a reply from her hence the phone goes into my pocket)

After twenty min
Amma: Acho nalaiku kaalaila vandha udane saapadu tharen ipo bustand la fruit vangi sapidu. Vera edhum vangadhe.
(no space no punctuation)


7.am chennai. My place.

I enter the house and there it is on the dining table, my first proper meal in three days, sambhar, appalam, curd, rice, poriyal, veg rice, onion raitha.
She notices the blissful look on my face and is completely satisfied. As if i did her a favor.
7 am, cold monday morning!

8 o clock.

Amma: saptiya? Va college ku polam... Monday leave podatha.

Me: amma...
Seri.

I ve never said thankyou i ve never said sorry i feel wierd to say happy mother's day to her, i forget to charge her phone, i keep texting even if she scolds me, i always let the milk boil too much or make her coffee too light, i dont wake up early to help her with cooking and expect her to wake me up with my cup of boost every morning and secretly hoped she didnt go to work and stayed at home to cook me nice stuff and keep talking to me always when i was in school.


And still she will never have enough of bragging about me to everyone, neither would i have enough of showing her the froth moustache i get while drinking boost.


She is never going to read this but thats probably why i am writing this. I cannot imagine life without her. Truly. My amma.

I Want

• To watch a real good movie that will make me cry.
• To feel the warmth of the dew under my feet on a cold afternoon and miss somebody.
• To go crazy over a melodious song that i want to call the song of my life, that  will make me listen to it over and over again, for a long long time.
• To walk in to Ethiraj College for Women and not be looked on as "some old student... probably".
• An Ipad or A Samsung Tab.
• An Ipod Shuffle with 2gb memory.
• To go on a long walk along the sea shore with Sharon Thulasi and Shilpa Sasidharan and alone.
• To EAT,FEAST and TASTE (like a glutton) all those things these people eat on Feeding Frenzy, Taste Match, Man Vs Food, Highway on a platter and all these eat shows.
•  PC.
• To work hard like mad, not have time to even eat, jump up and down with six other people whom i call my team and get my hair tussled lovingly by an advisory.
• To win level 4 world 8 on Mario.
• To watch Le Tour Eiffel on Juillet 14, when the fireworks go. (In real life, DUH)
• CSK to win IPL forever.
• A magic ring that will grant these wishes.

A Reaction to 'Variations on the word Love' by Margaret Atwood.

Being in love and being in a relationship are two different things. Love is about setting free, about understanding that comes automatically, not through agreements. A relationship is about contracts. About COME, DONT COME, GO, DONT GO, DONT DO,DO, ME, YOU. Its about calculated actions, expectations, about the mechanical love you before the phone call ends, about 'how could yous', and 'why did yous', about presents and make up and obligations. About red, love less roses, about silent cards that say nothing, about give and take, about empty messages in the night, about meaningless talking for hours, about opening doors, about letting the lady enter first, about waiting for hours, about smiling a slow smile at the end of the wait, about frantic phone calls wen you dont know wat happened to him or her...

 Love is about knowing his reactions, understanding him, catching his thoughts. Its wen even his silence makes sense. Its wen touches become meaningful. Its about doing things, thinking thoughts and feeling emotions that comfort him, as if by default. Its when your outstretched hand is clasped and the clasp changes your life. And 'your' here means both your lives together. A relationship status can change. With love; you re either in it or out. 

Week kneed reactions often thought of as love are just the initial spark. Then comes the relationship part. Most relationships fizzle out. Just a matter of time. Love is almost timeless. After years you realise you still worry for him wen he is not back home at 9, or when you spot him coughing hard... When he cant move you become his legs, When you are down with an ache he makes hot water bags.With years of life together behind the two of you, when 'you' just doesn't mean you alone anymore... 

That moment, my lady, you re in love.