Disclaimer: You know where this is going. Do not bother reading if you are planning to show off how health savvy you are while commenting. Its a rant. Keep Calm and Go drink your green tea or something. If you are/were ever a member of these gym things... do us both a favor and block me.
Trickiest damn thing. If it tastes good it's toxic and will give you AIDS. Yes man. AIDS. YOU WILL SPIT BLACK ROTTEN BLOOD EVERY DAY FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE AND DIE OF AIDS IF YOU EAT PANI PURI ONCE IN THREE DAYS. If it is healthy it tastes like card freaking board. If it is mom made it's there everyday. If it is from KFC it costs a fortune. I mean. What were they thinking?! What is easily available, easy to make and greaaaat to eat is abominable. What takes a billion years to clean, steam, cook and serve (and when served resembles cattle feed) is the best thing. Why me? The only pleasure I want in life is to eat good food! (No wait. Food that makes me feel good. No. Food that tastes good.) That's seriously all I want from everyday life! And I have to be put through SO MUCH torture and advice and medical advice? For that? It's not like I'm demanding somebody give me free pass to go rummage all restos and cafes and bakeries and fast food joints for food and eat everything I see to my heart's content. Fast food is the one and the only part of globalisation I want to take home with me. (Don't care about malls, international schools, Johnson and Johnson, unlimited internet and Justin Beaver.)
I like to think of myself as a friend of the animals (I only eat chicken and own nothing in leather) and the environment (Public transport, no private vehicle, reusing ALL my things for a long time: phone, stationery, soap, bags and even clothes - much to the dismay of the mother of mine). But when It comes to food maybe I could be spared? Please? Its the only joy in my life. Its time scientists invented some machine to burn fat. (Seriously guys, no one wants see-through smart phones or pop up toilets in the middle of London)
I am the capitalism-crazy, angry mob. I am the Obese of the world. Did you wonder why I used CAPS LOCK SO MUCH? BECAUSE I CAN AFFORD TO, YOU PUNY IMBECILE! THAT'S HOW HUGE MY FREAKING FINGERS ARE. AND AS I'M LYING ON MY HUGE BED UNABLE TO MOVE AN INCH BECAUSE I'VE JUST HAD MY FILL OF GOOEY GOODNESS THAT IS CALLED NUTELLA, I'M TELLING YOU ONE THING.
" FEAR FLABS. "
In the Obese revolution of 2030... we, the Obese majority will overpower AAALLL you insane health freaks. Death to insane health freaks! Death to dietitians! Death to keerai! Death to mindless starvation of the masses! Death to bulimia! Death to low fat! The End of the regime of healthy food is nearing! WE WILL GET YOUR LIVERS! REMEMBER!
#YOLOSLEEDTWSASDOOASAP.
Don't tell me you are not familiar of this great doctrine of the millennium that is YOLO. We, the Obese Majority however have redefined this. (YOLO was too S. XXL is how we roll, y'all!!)
You Only Live Once So Let's Eat Every Damn Thing We See And So Die Of Obesity As Soon As Possible.
Author's Note: Death to dress sizes S and M and L. Who the HELL wears XS? I'm coming for you. I will find you and I will swallow you ALIVE.
Trickiest damn thing. If it tastes good it's toxic and will give you AIDS. Yes man. AIDS. YOU WILL SPIT BLACK ROTTEN BLOOD EVERY DAY FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE AND DIE OF AIDS IF YOU EAT PANI PURI ONCE IN THREE DAYS. If it is healthy it tastes like card freaking board. If it is mom made it's there everyday. If it is from KFC it costs a fortune. I mean. What were they thinking?! What is easily available, easy to make and greaaaat to eat is abominable. What takes a billion years to clean, steam, cook and serve (and when served resembles cattle feed) is the best thing. Why me? The only pleasure I want in life is to eat good food! (No wait. Food that makes me feel good. No. Food that tastes good.) That's seriously all I want from everyday life! And I have to be put through SO MUCH torture and advice and medical advice? For that? It's not like I'm demanding somebody give me free pass to go rummage all restos and cafes and bakeries and fast food joints for food and eat everything I see to my heart's content. Fast food is the one and the only part of globalisation I want to take home with me. (Don't care about malls, international schools, Johnson and Johnson, unlimited internet and Justin Beaver.)
I like to think of myself as a friend of the animals (I only eat chicken and own nothing in leather) and the environment (Public transport, no private vehicle, reusing ALL my things for a long time: phone, stationery, soap, bags and even clothes - much to the dismay of the mother of mine). But when It comes to food maybe I could be spared? Please? Its the only joy in my life. Its time scientists invented some machine to burn fat. (Seriously guys, no one wants see-through smart phones or pop up toilets in the middle of London)
I am the capitalism-crazy, angry mob. I am the Obese of the world. Did you wonder why I used CAPS LOCK SO MUCH? BECAUSE I CAN AFFORD TO, YOU PUNY IMBECILE! THAT'S HOW HUGE MY FREAKING FINGERS ARE. AND AS I'M LYING ON MY HUGE BED UNABLE TO MOVE AN INCH BECAUSE I'VE JUST HAD MY FILL OF GOOEY GOODNESS THAT IS CALLED NUTELLA, I'M TELLING YOU ONE THING.
" FEAR FLABS. "
In the Obese revolution of 2030... we, the Obese majority will overpower AAALLL you insane health freaks. Death to insane health freaks! Death to dietitians! Death to keerai! Death to mindless starvation of the masses! Death to bulimia! Death to low fat! The End of the regime of healthy food is nearing! WE WILL GET YOUR LIVERS! REMEMBER!
#YOLOSLEEDTWSASDOOASAP.
Don't tell me you are not familiar of this great doctrine of the millennium that is YOLO. We, the Obese Majority however have redefined this. (YOLO was too S. XXL is how we roll, y'all!!)
You Only Live Once So Let's Eat Every Damn Thing We See And So Die Of Obesity As Soon As Possible.
Author's Note: Death to dress sizes S and M and L. Who the HELL wears XS? I'm coming for you. I will find you and I will swallow you ALIVE.
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