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Written on 2nd January 2015

Today is the day I admitted to myself that I have a substance abuse problem. And what exactly is this substance? It is called Pani Puri. No I am not being hard on myself. It is true that sometimes, to say no to the craving, I go I this no chaat food cycle. I will spare you the gory details but I will have you know that it is not a task for the weak hearted. Anyway, I go on these cycles where I avoid even talking about a particular food item (mostly junk food) for a month. I was one such cycle sometime back.

And it was difficult. How can you even walk 500 metres in this wonderful city, without spotting a north Indian looking tween standing next to a basket brimming with puris, and a big clay pot covered with red cloth.

My daily walk home from the bus stand was... Harrowing. If you know anything about taking a bus in Chennai, you know the kind of physical and mental preparation it takes to get out of a bus when it isn't at the final stop. Yes? Now add to that, some fatigue, some irritation due to co passengers et cie, some self criticism and general questioning of all my life choices that have lead to this instant where I'm damned to bus hell.

The mind plays it's tricks on you. Come on, you walked all the way to the bus stand! Of course you burnt all those calories. Just have one plate. Ignoring that piece of hell puts anyone's patience to test.

I clench my teeth and walk past. I look to the mushrooms mum bought last evening for hope. Maybe she would have made some nice curry? I tread on.

This was me for a month. Every week day. That is thirty minus eight.

All these days I told myself, 'yeah but that's just how detox feels'. After the cycle, as one can divine, I recommenced eating those little dough marbles normally. Keep in mind, our definitions of what is normal may differ slightly.

Last day of the year 2014, I decided to make pani puris for a little soirée we were supposed to have. It didn't come through so I made them today.

So uh yeah I ate the entire packet. I'd made enough potato filling. Enough pani. And I ate almost all the puris in that packet. No, I didn't count. Yes I had some mix match stuff to go with it as well.

But yet... Eating the last puri made me sad.

Thasright. It made me sad. And it finally struck me why going to the gym will never work for me.

It just never will.