The day I told mum and dad

Written on the 16th of March 2015

I finally told mum and dad about Gokul. After weeks of agonising over how I would tell them and where I would tell them and what the exact words would be and what my tone of voice should be...

I plucked up some courage and I told them. And yesterday was the day I realised how much I underestimated mum and dad. They patiently listened to everything I had to say. They asked the right questions. No noise, no drama,  just intent looks and meaningful glances. I didn't feel like they despised me after I told them.

My dad said after silently listening to me, I need time to think about this. Fair enough. The conversation was over in about fifteen minutes? Maybe even less but I felt like everything around me and inside me was in slow motion. My voice kept breaking. For some reason. My eyes welled up.  And I went on and on about him. My heartbeat felt like those boom speakers you find at rock concerts, LOUD and CLEAR. I had difficulty breathing.

We were at the beach, around 7 :30 pm. No sunlight. It was quite dark. The floodlight was on. I couldn't see dad's face all that clearly, he was facing the sea. But I know the lights hit my face and I knew he could see me and my reactions clearly. Dad was looking at me all the time I spoke about Gokul.

How do moms do this? Mom essentially said, oh tell me something I don't know. She knew about this all along and see had waited for me to tell her. But then again I really shouldn't be surprised. She has always known what's on my mind without me having to open my mouth.

She said she likes Gokul because he's a nice boy. She said she'll talk to dad. But she said she wanted time to talk to God first.

After this we all got up and left the beach to have dinner outside. Like any other normal day. It felt so surreal. Now I'm ashamed of myself and my paranoia. Why did I even think they were going to hate me? How stupid. They won't hate me. Like mum said, they're my parents, and when I want something (or someone) I'm going to have to ask them to get it for me. Just like I did now. They know that I'm sensible and they will think this through. And they will see for themselves how Gokul is an amazing boy. They will love him once they get to know him. And they will like aunty and uncle once they meet them. And we will all live happily ever after.